Wonder Woman 1984: One Week After

The past few days have been hell for me. The worst days of my life, filled with nothing but pain, and grief, and more pain. It’s consumed me. I don’t remember the last time my lips parted in a smile. I’ve forgotten what laughter sounds like. My eyes are red and swollen from crying a bucketload of hot salty tears.

It’s my first day back to work since my loss. I sold my car to pay the bills for his healthcare, and well, life happened either way. I shouldn’t even be resuming to work…

Tomato News is back, and this time we sat down with the President for an interview to ask him his thoughts about the increasing calls for a breakup of the Nigerian state.

The President told us he’s well aware of the agitations for the partitioning of the Nigerian state and promised that such agitations would never lead to anything substantial. “Everyone’s just saying they want to leave; they want to leave. As if Nigeria is Egypt holding the Israelites against their will. I can assure you it’s not happening. Nobody is leaving to anywhere. Even if Nigeria is struck by…

Ah, a fine spring day to work. I breathe in the fresh air and feel the cool wind. It’s chilly, not enough to even be the slightest bit uncomfortable. I’m dozens of meters in the sky, upheld by ropes and scaffolding, carrying out repair work on the twentieth floor of the Luthor Skyscraper. I love this feeling, being this high up. From here, everyone down on the streets looks like ants. I can see the entire Metropolis. This must be how it feels to fly, the feeling Superman must get every time he zips across the clouds.

As my eyes…

Last week, there were explosive allegations made against the Minister of Communications. Old videos of the Minister seemingly offering support for the Taliban and Al-Qaeda surfaced, as well as a video where he said “We’re all happy when unbelievers are being killed…”

The Minister of Communications immediately reached out to Tomato News for an interview to clear the air.

We asked him about the damning videos and here is what he had to say.

“First of all, I just want to make it clear to everyone that my words were taken out of context. When I said I still consider…

The Aspirant

Tomato News sat down with Former Governor of Lagos State and Presidential Aspirant, Jagaban, for an interview about his campaign for the 2023 elections.

We began with the most obvious question. Why does he want to be Nigeria’s next president? Jagaban answered without missing a beat, “I simply wish to finish the work the current president is doing in the life of Nigerians.”

Uncertain whether that was a threat or a reassuring statement, we asked for clarification.

“I wish to continue the policies that the current president has put in place to help improve Nigerians’ quality of life.”

The London Patient

We at Tomato News asked President Buhari about his decision to jet off to London for medical care while doctors in Nigeria are on strike due to owed salaries.

The President, in his usual calm composure, exuded nothing but brilliance and compassion in his response. “If Nigerians want to enjoy quality medical services, then they should work hard and become president like I did. Look at me? Do you think I would be enjoying the care I’m getting in London if I weren’t the president? …

16бл_Адеджоро Adejoro

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